Jewelle Tan Personally

When I tell others that I get my kids ready to be in bed by 8 pm, the usual reactions would be “Why so early? or “Let them play a while more!”.

And when I hear parents who say “They will sleep when they are sleepy” and whose small kids stay up beyond 10 pm or even more interesting, as one parent told me, “Sometimes we sleep earlier than him (their 4 years old son)”, I can only say that these parents must have tremendous amount of patience - which I clearly do NOT have!

Because although it’s supposedly good to get kids to sleep no later than 8pm, my kids are sent to bed early more for my sanity.

We’ve trained Eu (4 years old now) since she was a few months old and Qi (2 years old now) since she was born that by 8 pm, it is bedtime. It used to be as early as 5pm for Qi when she was an infant but we’ve adjusted the time gradually as they grew older.

And if you’re one of those who’d ask me “WHY!” - here’s my reasons.

Peace Time For ME

I try to go to bed no later than 11 pm and having a few hours to myself when they are in bed is a godsend.

I cannot imagine how some working moms do it - coming back from a full day work and having to endure several more hours of chaos before they can have some peace and quiet.

Peace Time For My SPOUSE

It is only fair that my husband should get a few hours at home to relax after he comes back from work - after a reasonable time spent with the kids of course. And this is even more important if he works in a stressful environment.

I do know of some non-working wives who think that as soon as their husbands are home from work, they should look after the kids - when they could just be sent to bed and get everyone the rest that they deserve.

Peace Time For US

Perhaps because we are careful with what to say to each other when we’re around the kids that we look forward to the few hours at the end of the day when it’s just the two of us and we can let our guards down.

We can chat, tell naughty jokes, discuss or even argue without being judged by the kids.

Or being able to enjoy the silence as we sit and read together.

Or having the luxury of eating midnight supper without a “Can I have some!” by one of the kids.

Of course, different parents have different standard to what is a healthy family environment.

This post is not to judge parents whose idea of suitable bedtime for small kids is opposite to ours - we as parents make our own decisions on what is right or wrong and important or irrelevant that are right for our lifestyle and personality.

This post is meant to share, from our own personal perspectives, that if parents can train their kids to sleep early, it is actually good the parents themselves.

It’s true what they say. You will not appreciate a mother as much as you should - until you become one yourself.

Being children, we can be selfish. We think that it’s her job to look after us. That it’s her duties to care for us. That her life must revolve around only us.

We forget the she had a whole life before her children.

We are ignorant of her personal dreams.

We chose not to know that there could actually be other things she rather do.

That once a woman becomes a mother, not even once will she miss the life that she had before her children came along. That if she has to work, knowing how to manage her time will come naturally.

That being mentally, emotionally and physically tired is just part of the “job” and that she will deal with it happily.

And that she will never ever, not even for a split-second, question “WHY?”.

When her babies kept her awake. When her toddlers tested her patience. When her teenagers insisted that they knew better. Or when her adult children found it necessary to lead their own lives away from her.

Why - when she endured physical and emotional hardships for them.

I know now that Mother’s Day is not simply a day to show our gratitude. It is also a day to remember that she changed her lives and sacrificed her dreams for her children.

And I finally understood that my main job as a child is not to let her regret it.

My post on adoption the other day reminded me that we were not one of those couple who were blessed to have children easily as some couples do.

I would like to share our experiences because we have a few couple friends who have been trying to have kids unsuccessfully for a few years and there is one common trait that I discovered among them.

NONE of them have many any effort to go for medical check-up.

Nevermind that they have been married and trying for more than 3 years. One couple told me that they are planning to while another couple was not even sure what to do or who to see!

In my opinion, if you haven’t been able to conceive within at least 2 years (depending on your age) of trying, you should not wait.

In our case, after nearly 2 years we went to see the doctor at our local government clinic and he made us an appointment with a Gynaecologist within days. To tell you the truth, I was not uninformed when it comes to the business of the “cycles”, “processes” and “techniques”. However from the very first appointment, I learned that there are many things about the whole process of conception that I did not realized.

We were asked to do a series of test such as the Dye Test for myself - which involved injecting some dye into my womb to check for any blockage. This was a little scary and uncomfortable but it was quick and I was clear.

Both of us passed all our tests and at least, at that stage we knew that there was no health problems.

After that, it was all about knowing the right techniques (fertile days using body temperature) and the rest we left it to fate.

Thankfully soon after, we were blessed with Eu and later Qi.

The point is : you should not wait before you consult the doctors.

Even if everything is normal, you might be surprised to know that the process of making babies is not as easy or straight-forward as you think. If there is, unfortunately, a problem then at least you have more time on your side to do something about it.

And with this, I would like to share with you an amazing story of a couple who beat the odds and became the parents of the first IVF-conceived baby in Brunei. Read their story for inspiration and hope.