On Kids Bedtime
Visited 263 times already, 1 so far todayWhen I tell others that I get my kids ready to be in bed by 8 pm, the usual reactions would be “Why so early? or “Let them play a while more!”.
And when I hear parents who say “They will sleep when they are sleepy” and whose small kids stay up beyond 10 pm or even more interesting, as one parent told me, “Sometimes we sleep earlier than him (their 4 years old son)”, I can only say that these parents must have tremendous amount of patience - which I clearly do NOT have!
Because although it’s supposedly good to get kids to sleep no later than 8pm, my kids are sent to bed early more for my sanity.
We’ve trained Eu (4 years old now) since she was a few months old and Qi (2 years old now) since she was born that by 8 pm, it is bedtime. It used to be as early as 5pm for Qi when she was an infant but we’ve adjusted the time gradually as they grew older.
And if you’re one of those who’d ask me “WHY!” - here’s my reasons.
Peace Time For ME
I try to go to bed no later than 11 pm and having a few hours to myself when they are in bed is a godsend.
I cannot imagine how some working moms do it - coming back from a full day work and having to endure several more hours of chaos before they can have some peace and quiet.
Peace Time For My SPOUSE
It is only fair that my husband should get a few hours at home to relax after he comes back from work - after a reasonable time spent with the kids of course. And this is even more important if he works in a stressful environment.
I do know of some non-working wives who think that as soon as their husbands are home from work, they should look after the kids - when they could just be sent to bed and get everyone the rest that they deserve.
Peace Time For US
Perhaps because we are careful with what to say to each other when we’re around the kids that we look forward to the few hours at the end of the day when it’s just the two of us and we can let our guards down.
We can chat, tell naughty jokes, discuss or even argue without being judged by the kids.
Or being able to enjoy the silence as we sit and read together.
Or having the luxury of eating midnight supper without a “Can I have some!” by one of the kids.
Of course, different parents have different standard to what is a healthy family environment.
This post is not to judge parents whose idea of suitable bedtime for small kids is opposite to ours - we as parents make our own decisions on what is right or wrong and important or irrelevant that are right for our lifestyle and personality.
This post is meant to share, from our own personal perspectives, that if parents can train their kids to sleep early, it is actually good the parents themselves.
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July 5th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Oh so this is why.. but I love how you consistently do it. Hopefully I’ll have enough patience to do it someday when I have kids on my own
July 7th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
For decades, people in the capital and even abroad have accused Kay Bee as no life now I know why—parents forcing their kids at nipple point to sleep at 8pm. One of the “haunted” district’s great mysteries SOLVED!
Training the kid to sleep at an unpractically early hour is, in my opinion based on personal experience and the experiences of countless others, unrealistic. In a matter of just a few years, when the kids hit Primary 1 … sleep at 8pm is a luxury that can no longer happen so instead of training them to sleep at 8, you should UNTRAIN them to cope with what’s coming up real soon! With new school curriculum and higher expectations expect a ton of homework right after school … bye bye afternoon naps—Hello reality !
Some and many do simply because they’re not full time moms! Just over the recent weekend, I saw many parents wh brought their toddlers to Mamih to hang out from late till past midnight. Clearly these women aren’ letting their new “chapter in life” cripple their noctural habits.
Jan (neither a judge, a jury nor executioner. Just a practical parent)
July 7th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
oh my god, you are waaaaayy better taking care of your children, i have seen my boyfriend’s mom baby girl (my boyfriend’s step sister) the baby turned 3 this may, her sleeping time is not accurate at all! i mean, normally these kids have afternoon nap or sleep early at night, but her mom doesn’t care at all.
1 reason is that she has a maid at home( so you can think, everything is handelled by the maid including her baby,cooking, houseworks and all) but her maid isnt really that capable at all, thus the baby is not really taught by any elders (speaking,manners)
at most time, the mom would invite her friends over for karaoke sessions,is like the baby is hang loose..running here and screaming..the baby sometimes would sleep at 11 to 12 am,what’s worse is that the mom and her friends would sing ( plus drinking session) until 3 am, latest 4 am! at times, she sings at her friend’s house and wouldnt come back till morning!
Take note: the mom doesn’t work! the man works and he comes and visit twice to 3 times a week.
i felt really pity for the baby, the baby is somehow talented (can learn things fast, sings) sometimes i would just teach her ride her bike at evening, or teach her colouring..writing, reading ,speaking is still bad though, i mean most parents take the chance to teach her these simple things at these age..dont you agree?
By the way, the family is from sg liang!
Hope to hear you soon!
July 7th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Letting our children having late nights once in a while during school hols is still acceptable…but not till the weee hours…I would think 10.30pm is the most…beyond tht is being irresponsble I feel…
July 7th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Families in a certain tradition where the man is a sole bread winner and where the children are in “full time” care of their moms may be missing out on something quite significant. Almost like breaking news of the decade. Take a look at July edition of Reader’s Digest Asia page 54 called THE DAD EFFECT!
This is a topic that I plan to dedicate a post to when the time is right but since this is staring squarely (or rather, rectangularly LCD screen) at me, I am compelled to prematurely contributed a little.
In the RD article …
“Ross Parke, a Canadian professor of psychology at the University of California says it was always thought that mothers were hormonally primed to be parents, and the fathers learned child-rearing culturally. However, says Parke, “Fathers are better prepared biologically for parenting than we previously thought.”
“Many ‘father’ researchers are intrigued by the fact that dads have a different parenting style from mums.In a 1997 US study by the National Center for Education Statistics looked at nearly 17,000 students from Kindergarten to year 12 adn found there is a payoff when Dads participate in activities at school such as volunteering or attending regular school meetings and parent-teacher conferences. The kids get more A grades, enjoy school more and take part in more extracurricular activities.”
One significant line in the text I found to be very true is this … “if you don’t lose your cool and you try to be positive, they really seem to appreciate it.” when dealing with kids homework.
“For fathers, just spending time with their kids brings immediate as well as long-term gains. Children with involved dads are more popular, get on better with their peers and are more empathetic, according to a University of Guelph research summary published in 2002″
I think that’s enough excerpt from the magazine. Anyone interested in the entire story should owe it to themselve to get a copy from the newstand. It’s the current issue. Women will also enjoy the article SEXY, SLIM & SMART—The Power of SLEEP! (quite the irony and contradiction to this blog post, huh?)
July 8th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I’ve been on both sides of the the fence (working full-time and stay at home full time), and for me, having heavy school load, hectic lifestyle, and others, does not mean that my sons need to sacrifice on their naps or sleep pattern. I clearly explain to my kids, and I do my best to put my 7 (Primary 1 kid) and 2 year old sons to sleep between 830p and 9pm during school days, and as late as 1030pm during weekends and holidays (my 2-month old doesn’t have a sleep pattern just yet). My husband usually comes home late but tries to spend quality time as much as he can. My eldest son does get a ton of homework daily, but I make sure we have a discussion on his work (without giving out the answer of course) before he starts on them, so he always manage to finish them.
Routine is important for our kids. At their age, before they learn how to be independent and do whatever they want, they need to learn the rules first. So getting them in bed on time, no matter how early it is, is very important and it shows that the parents are consistent.
Anyways, for health and emotional issues I think children 10 years old and younger should be getting at least 8 to 10 hours of sleep. When my sons sleep less (7 hours is less to me), they have reduced focus and attention span, and get really restless and sometimes uncontrollable behavior. Looking at the parents’ perspective, I agree with Jewelle that we too need our own time to wind down at the end of the day.
July 8th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
I second that, Lorna—children need and should have at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. 7 and 2 year old, quite a gap there but I’m sure you know (and it’s hard to forget) the times you and the kids didn’t sleep well because of fever, coughs, asthma, vomitting and as parents we go through sleepless moments that give us plenty of memories.
I posted my personal account of raising two kids with asthma, the eldest having grown out of it while the second one is coping fairly well. http://shimworld.wordpress.com/2008/06/01/living-with-asthma-and-allergies/
When you said your husband comes home late, it suddenly jolted me back to when I was like that. In my previous career in I.T. i was always late and it came to a point when it became rather “siong” on the marriage and parenting. Even today, as a photographer, you can easily get sucked into jobs that drag you out the entire weekend such as Chinese weddings.
Consider the irony that you sacrifice weekends after weekends to make a living shooting other people’s wedding day when the very nature of the business puts so much strain on the photographer’s own marriage. Some call it sacrifices, others call it commitment … regardless, I want my weekends with the family and for that reason I chose not to accept wedding assignments (not exclusively of course).
Was looking at some articles online and came across some interesting ones that are linked within the main article: http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=7881416>1=32001
July 8th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
Jacq, having the patience to deal with kids for long long hours when you have to handle so many other things vs having the patience to train them to rest early to give you some free time…I think it’s easy to see which is easier to do.
Jan, with all due respect since your kids are older than mine, I don’t see the logic and necessity to train them to what their lives will be in the far future. It’s like training an infant to eat rice because he’s going to eat rice in a year’s time anyway or letting a toddler get used to adult shows because they will watch it soon anyway.
Training a toddler to sleep at 10 pm because in 2-3 years time primary school starts and they will have homework?
But then again, coming from someone who are impressed and “look up” to mothers who :
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised
To me its dealing with the stages in their lives as we see fit.
Qi slept at 5 pm for the night as soon she was born as I don’t see the point of letting her stay up late. As they get older, their bedtime is extended gradually to fit theirs and the household schedule. When they reach primary schools, bedtime as with any other routines will be appropriately reviewed to fit the need of that time.
Jane, that is a sad situation to read about. Here and there we have couples struggling and willing to go through all kinds of challenges to have children of their own and yet we hear of children being shamelessly neglected like this. And it’s great to hear that you try to make a small difference in her life.
Aunty J absolutely agree with you.
Jan again, it’s better if you can dedicate a post on this subject. However I do agree that fathers who play an active role in their children’s upbringing is great and am pleased to say that my children are lucky in this sense.
Lorna, I’m sure parents who believes in appropriate bedtime made their decisions based on the kids needing 8 hours of sleep theory in addition to it being a good way of having some wind down time for themselves at the end of the day - like we do. The point of the post is to share with parents who don’t see the reason why its actually good to have a properly scheduled bedtime for the kids.
July 9th, 2008 at 7:49 am
When the time is right. When the moment is ripe. A post shall come. Don’t touch that mouse!
July 9th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Far from it. I was appalled, not impressed but at the same time, admire their determination. You have to admit, the situation has some elements of goodness in there and restaurants enforce smoke-free dining then the little ones aren’t inhaling smoke. I find city life a little challenging even for someone who used to “come home late from work”. It’s one thing to have to entertain guests from abroad it’s quite another to make it a habit. I have also seen orders of fried and oil no doubt delicious but heavy steak at midnight among the youths. We’re so screwed but that’s another story!
All i am saying is this .. as far as peace go .. throw all that out of the window as soon as you have a kid transitioning from Kindy to Primary 1. Primary is a different animal altogether and nothing you learn in Kindy is going to prepare you for THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!
August 31st, 2008 at 1:11 am
based on a survey recently conducted(including malaysia participants), most asian kids sleep late. probably it’s a cultural thing or dna or weather? they have yet to find a soluble answer. i have been facing problems with my son’s sleeping pattern recently. i admit he has embraced the asian style of sleeping at 9/10 but i am thankful that he still has 10 waking hours everyday and he’s just coming to be 2 years old.
before this his waking and sleeping pattern is like clockwork. he’ll sleep accordingly at 8pm every time and yes i’ve trained since he was a baby to follow a routine. im happy while he slept early before this, we where able to enjoy our private time as a couple.
what ever it is we have adjusted to my son’s new bedtime and i sometimes i do get worried seeing my friend’s toddler’s sleeping oh so late!
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I think it’s probably just the culture - or like some people like to tell me, let’s them play (at 9pm!). My kids are starting to sleep a little later too because of the timing of our household routine but I still make sure they have at least 10 hours of sleep.